Sleep-away camp signup season is upon us, so any rational parents even considering the possibility will begin by asking themselves one question above all else: Really. They want over $1,000 a week now?
For many parents who went to overnight camp and have enough money, it’s not a close call, even if it requires a fair bit of belt-tightening. You’ve probably been talking about it for so long that your 7-year-old may well be annoyed about still being under the qualifying age of attendance. Everyone else should keep in mind that many of the expensive camps dislike their reputations as places for the affluent to get dirty and play outside. They raise money and provide some scholarships, so there is no shame in asking about how to qualify. Meanwhile, Y.M.C.A., religious and other less expensive sleep-away camps are far from rare.
When you’re considering camps, besides costs, you’ll want to ask baseline questions about food, safety, staff training and facilities. But when assessing value, what you really want to know is this: Is this a camp that changes lives? Sending the little people away is no small thing. You want it to mean something.
This week I reached out to camp experts and asked them for the single most important question that a parent should ask before committing. My favorite response came from my seventh-grade English and journalism teacher, Roger Wallenstein, who, with his wife, Judy, owned and ran Camp Nebagamon in Lake Nebagamon, Wis., from 1988 to 2003. He noted that limiting parents to a single question is a pretty good reason not to send your children away to camp, since the decision requires a lot more thought than that. O.K., Wally, I’m clearly still learning here 30 years later! Let’s go with five essential questions then.
Where are the other children going? This is a trick question. One natural default is to send a child off with a close friend, for familiarity’s sake, preferably a friend who has already been to the camp or is following in an older sibling’s or parent’s footsteps.
But your child may not be like that other child, even if they are good friends at school. And you may not share all of the friend’s family’s values. Plus, part of the point here is for a child to meet new people.
What are the retention figures? Go deep on this one. What percentage of counselors return each summer? How does that compare with national benchmarks? What percentage of counselors were campers?
And what percentage of campers who have not aged out return each summer? Does the camp track down all those who are not returning to find out why? If not, why not? If so, why are the former campers not coming back? And what percentage of children are related to alumni, particularly ones from a previous generation? This may seem pushy, but so what? This could cost $8,000 or more. Ask away.
What can they do here that they can’t do at home? A computer lab need not be a deal breaker, but it should give you pause. One comment that has rung in my head in the 16 months since I first heard it came from Richard Deering, the alumni and community director at Camp Birch Rock in Waterford, Me. Camp should be more about soul than stuff, he said.
Jill Tipograph, who helps families choose good camps, wanders their grounds herself looking for signs of stuff. “The things most parents want their kids to shed and leave behind physically and emotionally at home,” she said by way of explanation. Fashionable clothing. Electronics. (Especially electronics.)
What are the camp-only activities that beget soul? Canoe and hiking trips are classics. All-camp, multiday games and festivals. Crafts. Doing without electricity, or air-conditioning and heated pools at least. Or walls, if the children live in tents.
What makes the camp unique? This question comes from Mr. Wallenstein, who likes it because it encompasses so many of the other questions. It ought to be easy to answer for anyone selling an experience in a competitive marketplace. But it never fails to trip up some people and places.
Ms. Tipograph suggests several alternative ways to get at this one: What values do the director or camp support daily, say through a system of recognition during meals or lineups or flag-raising when a camper helps a peer? And what does the camp specifically stand against?
Barb Levison, a camp consultant, says that directors, in particular, love to talk about their camps, or they ought to at least. So ask about their philosophy. “If they lead with better baseball skills or improved theatrical ability, it will feel very different than if they answer with thoughts about good values, respect or being a good friend,” she said. Can you tell me about the ties that bind? Not every child will make lifelong friends at every camp. Still, it’s worth asking: How many reunions take place each year or decade? Can I take a peek at the alumni Facebook page, if it’s closed to outsiders? What percentage of alumni donate to the scholarship fund? How many pictures have you received in the last year of camp friends posing at one another’s weddings, a decade or more from their last camp experience?
In the summer of 2012, I happened to be at a camp when two young adults were called forward to mark a particular occasion. The pair, who had met there years ago, had become engaged the night before. It wasn’t the first time it had happened at that camp either.
This summer, my daughter will be back there for her third session.
Ron Lieber is the Your Money columnist for The New York Times. He is the author of the forthcoming “The Opposite of Spoiled,” about parenting, money, values and raising the kinds of children all parents want to push out into the world, no matter how much money they have (Harper Collins, February, 2015). He hosts regular conversations about these topics on his Facebook page and welcomes comments here or privately, via his Web site. The Opposite of Spoiled appears on Motherlode on alternating Thursdays.
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